Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Boy with a Hat

It has been months since i last visited my Downelink account. It is somewhat a friendster for "people like us." I wanted to change the About Me part of the profile. Since a lot has changed now. But then I decided to remove it again. I just thought, "this suits my blog better." So here it is:

" It's been a long time since I last updated my profile. Or visited my account even. Much has changed. Same face, but a different heart. I have been wearin a hat a lot these days. That's why they call me "The Boy with a Hat."

Me wearin a hat goes far more than a new fashion statement. Quite ridiculous considering that i have dyed my hair with fiery light copper brown. Another 'new' thing for me. I have been puttin on a figurative hat these past several months. I have tried my best to avoid any threat to my peace of mind and my sanity. I have learned to play on the safe side and gamble less in most aspects of my life, specifically when it comes to love.

Eventhough now that I have clearly defined my comfort zone, I was able to broaden my horizons and discovered windows to better my self. I was able to focus on planning my future through rigid time lines and carefully set goals. In a way I could say I have matured a lot over a couple of months. I have seen life at an entirely different angle. Life is a constant struggle towards the top. It has no limits. Good life can't wait.

Over the past few months, I have spent most of my time trying to figure out what i really want to do with my life. Surely, I want to give myself and my family the good life. I've been workin with my company for over a year now, quite an achievement for my employment history. I have been practicing my passion for art by startin out a small scale events organizing business focusing on vintage themed concepts for souvenirs, invitations and physical arrangements. I am also an aspiring writer currently workin on my manuscript for my second short novel. And i am currently planning on starting out an on line store soon. Truly, life has no boundaries. It sounds quite absurd thinking that just a few months ago, none of these had ever crossed my mind.

I have been travellin quite a lot these days. Summer came in late for me and I have been to far more places this year than i have ever been yet. I have eaten different foods and immersed myself in different cultures and environment. Change is good. Change is refreshing. Wanderlust is my new vice.

My previous profile had been posted for maybe almost half a year now. I laughed at how cheesy and mushy I had been. You can say that i'm cynical. I often thought, love does not exist for me. I believe in affection. I've felt it. I believe in attachment. I have experienced it. But love has turned into a vague concept to me. I must be single for a reason. Whether i would ever fall in love or not, i couldn't care less. But somehow, in spite of my loss of faith, there is a small voice yearnin to be heard. Like a child who believes in Santa Claus. Waiting. Anticipating. Hoping that he would someday find his way to me.

I have lived my life at a different pace now. And I don't even know why I am still keepin my account here. Why do i even take time to update my profile and my photos. The funny thing is no matter how much i have changed, no matter how hard i try to deny it, I will always be the same old hopeless romantic guy that I have always been. Indeed, I am living at a different pace and running through it alone is not easy. Sometimes I wish someone would come along to run with me or stop me and tell me that it's ok to walk slowly at a time. Wherever these words may lead me -- to a lover, a date, a fling, or a friend, I pray that it leads me to something worthwhile. "