Wednesday, April 21, 2010

God loves me.

Last night I slept at my sister's room. I woke up this morning feeling lazy. Like I don't really want to get up but just lie down and doze off some more. I turned and saw a book on the side table. It is Bo Sanchez's How to be Really, Really, Really Happy. I know it would be some kind of inspirational stuff. Though I'm not really much into those kind of things i still picked it up and browsed through the first few articles.

It was a good book. I can't help but read through the articles one page to the next. I love Bo's humor. It was indeed an inspirational book about God, faith, and life. It was a book about Bo's simple and personal experiences and his thoughts on how he or we could relate to God. It was presented in a realistic and almost casual manner. It was light and inspiring, not any of those heavy drama catechism stuffs. I was able to relate to it. It was a good read.

I always say, "I'm not the religious-type. But I am a spiritual person." For me spirituality is a very personal thing. More intimate and personal than my own life. It is my relationship to Him. It is something I keep to myself, something I treasure a lot though it may not show. I hate it when people tell me how to relate to God, how to pray, how I should see God, what I should do for the Church and to others, how to go to heaven etc.. We are all humans. If I have no idea on how to live life according to His will, neither would anyone else. For me, it's such a shame how some claim to be so close to God and see others as not. Devotion and hypocrisy are 2 different things, with a very slim line drawn between them.

I've always had this thing to practice my faith in silence and privacy. I believe in God. I believe that he loves each and everyone of us. I believe that he does get hurt when we do bad things. I believe he forgives us when we say sorry and promise not to do it again. I believe he wants us to be happy. I believe he gave us free will. I believe he wants us to experience life -- to go through rough times so we learn to value life's greatest gifts. I believe all these and a whole lot more about God's love, and I hold it deep, deep down in my heart.

Being a gay guy, my faith has been challenged a hundred times just because of being what I am. I have learned to keep things to myself, holding on to the fact that God loves me no matter what. I have hidden my faith from everyone, always keeping my defenses up. I've always tried to put on a hard face. Some can't even believe that I go to St. Jude on thursdays like it is something that doesn't suit my personality. I'm just trying to protect my faith. Though I may be weak, my belief in God's love is much stronger than anything else in the world.

So I have laid myself vulnerable by merely writing this one. This is one side of me I don't usually show to everyone. Yes guys, I am a Christian. I live my faith my own way. I talk and relate to a God at a different level -- something only I and Him could understand. I have said this once before, and I would say it again: "though I might not show it but one thing bigger than my ass, is my faith."